sarcasm, character, and sulfuric acid - kinda random

interesting day in RADland. i tend to forget my RADicals don't do sarcasm, which really stinks since i love it. but today i slipped. i was peeling an onion and mr asked if it was hard.
i said, well it's not rocket science.
he said okay, but is it hard??
*sigh* no, mr, it's not hard. rocket science is hard, this is easy, that's what i meant.
oh, okay. (said as one wondering why i brought up such a stupid reference)

i always wonder if the kids are learning what we mean to teach them. today the boys refused to help em do some work because we want her to build character. we told her it was to build her character but she still got mad!
poor em.

today i put sulfuric acid in the kids eyes to teach them a lesson for homeschool! does that sound mean? yeah, we chopped onions & learned why it makes you cry! (i didn't actually put anything in their eyes, drop the phone and google it). fun lesson! :)

concepts, comcepts, whatever

em cracked me up today and didn't know why. just some of that grown-up humor she doesn't think is funny. (she says that often).
em does not get concepts. she can do math easy peasy, but put the exact same problem in a word problem and whoa. forget it and be ready for tears. she'll read the entire problem and just say but what does that mean? and yes, it's the lack of ability to access her frontal cortex during that fear, we all know that right? (but shew does it get old)
but the not getting concepts thing applies to other areas too. things like oh, you didn't say don't put a wet towel on the floor, you just said wet washcloth, so i thought the towel would be fine. the laundry basket's moved a foot to the right, so now where do i put my dirty clothes?
my worst habit (and i know this is bad, which is why i'm saying you shouldn't do it) is saying, em, you have to USE that brain in your head. (i know, shut up). but it's so hard when she just won't learn to think. (i know, shut up again).
so anyway, we try to point out concepts in other areas hoping one day she'll connect the ideas. who knows, but she's aware of the idea of them and that she's not good at them.

(wow, long set-up, sorry!)

well today, i asked a question about the book (they have to answer with complete sentences) and she (as usual) spit back my question to start her sentence. i told her she doesn't have to repeat the whole question, just start a sentence about the answer.
after much confusion i just said oh, it's a concept and you don't understand do you?
she said no, i don't understand comcepts.
i said comcepts? it's concepts with an "n"!
she said see? i can't get concepts, i can't even SPELL concepts!

okay, it might not be funny to anyone else, but it cracked me up!
now, if you have any (real life practical tried) suggestions on teaching concepts, i'm all ears!

sensory therapy - oops! :)

We were showing the kids the sensory integration therapy that we’ll be adding to their daily schedule (therapist instructed!) and one was spinning (getting mr’s brain stimulated enough to focus). Therapist said do this, this, and then this if mr can handle it. Well we assumed she meant if he doesn’t mind being dizzy (which he loves). Well, we tried it and he passed out! : ) Oops! Just spinning 10x each way in a chair (which they do often). But the last thing was lying on his side, and he just looked really relaxed and then flopped off the chair. He said things went black. So yeah, we’ll skip that, yikes! : )

the way to her heart...

we've learned that the way to em's heart is food, and we use that in therapy and at home of course. she thinks about, talks about, and worries about food so much, although it's been much better since we realized the issue and now always have a snack available (apples or raisins) anytime she wants.
with neglect, it makes sense of course. sometimes you'd think 3 years of always having plenty and never missing a meal would make that fear go away, but then you would be using logic, silly head. it's interesting that her favorite food in the world is apple sauce (aka baby food) and she really enjoys baby food time more than baby bottle time. she's still not super comfortable, but she's getting there.
in therapy, she was asked to draw a pic of something about me that made her feel love. after the usual "aw, i don't want to talk about love" complaining, she drew this. just interesting. and a good reminder to me that i need to keep using food in a playful (babyish) positive way and not overdo the table manners reminders!

another picture of therapy

a pic from therapy last week. this time the AT asked em to do a sand tray of her life when she was a baby, just what she thought it was like. she tends to be more open by talking through the dolls (instead of having to talk for herself, the doll will say things). so while a pretty happy scene, the notable things are the definite wall (which went up first) that completely divides the mom and dad from the baby. no door or way around it. :( and the baby is holding her own bottle. she said the baby wasn't very sad or anything because she really liked her bottle. (probably why she has such food issues, and also why they learned not to cry). just another interesting peek inside her head. she's much more open about her feelings now, although she's completely avoiding any of the physical trauma right now for some reason. won't discuss it at all.

we've adopted another!

noooooo, not a child, a dog, though around here they're not so different. since our syd died in feb, we've been wanting another dog, but not the responsibility of a dog (especially the puppy stage!). but last week, we were visiting dad's family and his sister offered us a dog, super calm and affectionate, house broken, ~2 years old, so past the puppy stage, but young enough to play and grow up with the kids. we discussed the pros and cons, help with attachment, but harder to take trips... and the pros (and cuteness) won!
we brought him home that day and surprised the kids. i've NEVER seen them that grateful! they're having a ball and isn't it ironic (don't ya think?), they're helping jack attach to our family. :) we explained how he misses his family and his doggie friends there, remember how you felt scared and sad when you first came here? and they're helping him with love. :) our RADical kids helping our new radical dog. (i do hope he's not really RADical and gets over his homesickness quick!)
i wonder if i should assign them certain words to say, feelings to discuss, nurturing times, rocking times, massage, music & movement, therapy, oh wait, yeah he's a dog...
meet jack! yep, just like in little house on the prairie, they loved that even more!

week 7 of homeschooling & updates

i can't believe it's been 7 weeks, school is just flying by! and amazingly it's going very well. it's great to have flexibility and freedom, and i'm extremely lucky to have dad here handling the things that require more patience. i'm not gifted in that area (or even adequate, okay i have none!) and you know RADical moms need to show loving patience, so uh, dad to the rescue. and for us it works well!
we've had field trips, soccer, science experiments, lots of reading, making things out of nature, cookie research projects, lots of baking, water safety (aka white water rafting), fun stuff, hard stuff, challenges, days off, independent study, practical flat tire lessons, singing and playing in a band, writing lines, learning about indians, playing indians, written reports, oral reports, youtube, every subject known to man, and most of all, LOTS of time together as a family. i mean lots! which is good, challenging at times, but good.
we're loving the prairie primer (based on the little house on the prairie books) because it incorporates what we've just read into every subject. if we read about seeing indians, we study that. if they see a bear, we study that. history, science, bible, character, politics, social studies, art, music, biology, writing, whatever. they get it all and it's fun and relevant. (and super easy for the teacher!)
one day we did a photoshoot (i'm the teacher, we can do if it if say so!) and i finally got some frame-able pics. i started to make a big production of it and head to a local pretty place, but then i thought clearly and did a last minute let's go out back and take some pics quickly before the cookies are finished... i'm learning!
RAD-wise, mr is doing great! em is even doing very well, getting clingy, hugging on her own at times. both are mainly working on identifying feelings. mr's are very normal, age-appropriate (maybe a year behind, but just!) em's are just coming out and are pretty chaotic. she doesn't understand them, we don't understand them. we're supposed to help her by saying you're feeling sad because of __ or you're feeling frustrated because ___, but sometimes we give up and say we're not sure what you're feeling! but at least she's feeling! it might have been sad, then fear because she was sad, so cover that with anxiety over what we'll say, which leads to frustration because she wasn't perfect, and confusion as to why that's so frustrating... and we get lost often. but it's nice to see tears, whether it's about a pink hat or nothing at all, at least they're genuine tears.
we'll be starting with some massage and music and movement type things soon. from the bruce perry stuff, we know they need some basic stuff they should have received as babies, and it's supposed to help on that deeper level. we'll see!
okay, so that's what we've been up to. i need to catch up on some of my blogs. i've missed them!

advice about "how does your engine run?"

to my sensory-integration-knowledgeable friends, do you have/like how does your engine run? not sure if i want to buy it? thanks for input!
i'm so behind. have some new pics and updates to post soon!

another great picture (literally) of therapy and progress

it’s so neat seeing em's progress in a drawing! in AT, she had to fill in a circle of her life, picking emotions she felt now, half happy, some love, some mad, little sad, lots of blank (which is sad itself, but true). but then she did her old life, and it was mostly scared, some sad, some blank, and a dot of happy. but it’s more, and there IS love, so we’re getting there!! :)

week 1 of homeschooling

i can't decide if i want to just journal on my own, or post, to this blog or another... so i'm getting it down, and we'll see!

monday, aug 17

· on our 1st official day of homeschool, or the school of hard knocks, we learned not to leave a tent up to dry if it's windy. poor tent, poor soy crops.
· cj fixed the trigger mechanism in his $2 heelies for engineering class, then skated with them for gym class.
· i learned if they go out and play, they argue, but if it's called recess, they get along. go figure! :)
· we practiced subtraction with cookies, and addition with subs... gotta love that kind of math.
· they read chapter 1 of little house in the big woods & answered questions. we talked about interrupting (big issue here) and proverbs 18:13. i love the biblical references in the book & little house curriculum!
· i had to stop the kids from working too hard. they loved it & were shocked it was so fun. of course cookies help.

where have i been?!

i used to get SO annoyed that i couldn't find many RADical success stories and that few parents who were making progress would post on the forums and boards i was scouring for help. and i've realized i'm becoming one of those annoying people! which is good for us of course. we're still on the roller coaster ride, with higher highs and lower lows, but i get them, for the most part! now i'm NOT the best RADical mom, but i don't think i'm the worst. somewhere on the low end i'm sure, but less frazzled than i used to be.
so after our month-long (too-long, but wonderful) vacation, we've spent a very family-intense summer doing very little besides spending time together. mr was "downgraded" (no idea what you'd call it) to case management (his file is open and the AT will consult as needed, but he won't come in for therapy). so that's great! he's really doing so well, and at least in attachment terms is much more "normal" for his emotional age (which is still below his 7 physical years). but a big YAY there!
em still needs much but we are seeing progress! she's beginning to have the wild emotions that she doesn't understand (nor do any of us), but they're starting to surface. she's giving occasional hugs or holding my hand ON HER OWN, which is amazing.
so we're still here, just busy doing nothing, and mentally exhausted from trying to do a good job! i wish this came naturally to me. i'd think RADical moms should be the super compassionate, patient, and understanding type, seems it would be so much easier for them. so i'm not sure why God thought i should be one! and no, i've never prayed for patience, because i know how you learn that!! though it appears i'm supposed to learn it anyway.

this year we're homeschooling all three kids (gasp). it went so well with em last year, and we BARELY worked on actual academics. we concentrated on attaching, and simply time together and the learning just came naturally and easily. with her progress in ALL areas with little effort, it wasn't hard to decide to try it with all three. we're just committing to this year, and we'll see afterwards. but with our flexible, crazy, adventurous lifestyle, it'll be so fun to have the kids with us, and learning while we play. and hopefully just increase their stability and help with attachment. we're also planning to concentrate on sitting still (mr), shutting up (cj) and believing in herself (em) so they are ready to go back to school, if they do.

so that's where we are. i hope to catch up on some of my blog reading soon too. i miss the encouragement and sometimes entertainment from the blogs i follow!

what a perfect picture (literally) of therapy!

In AT, Em amazed us and I had to take a picture. Even her therapist was amazed at how she grasped all this mental stuff, it was freaky. Em was supposed to set up a sand tray to show anything about love in her family. She said this was her old family. The Jesus (because there were no other men dolls!) was her Grandpa (her one safe relative who died and she talks of often). In the red trunk is her love and in the black one are her emotions. Both are locked, with flies on top because it’s so dusty and old, and a fence around it and guards posted!! Isn’t that so sad??? But wait, there’s more. Her therapist asked her to show love in her new family.

The second pic is me (I fell off the bench thing during the pic!) and I’m sitting but I kept getting up to peek in the trunk. The guards are now gone and the trunk moved around a bit and most of the flies gone. She keeps them shut, but they’re not locked and once in a while, I peek in! She doesn’t like it when I do that, and she tries not to let me, but I just keep trying and she doesn’t mind too much, once in a while.



That’s EXACTLY what we’re trying to do with therapy and all the mentally exhausting things we do all day every day, but it’s working! I had to share the pics because it’s amazing how a 9 yr old can grasp this. Hopefully one day she’ll do more than logically understand it, and will feel it, but she’s beginning!

have you read instructing a child's heart?

has anyone read instructing a child's heart? is it good/practical for RADicals? our church is doing a class, but i don't want to waste time. you know the books that are wonderful but only apply to kids with a loving foundation of trust?? i'd love your opinion if you've read it!

home, they actually missed us, mom's day note

we're back from our trip and still catching up. the amazing news is that our RADicals MISSED US! i had low expectations (so it wouldn't hurt my feelings) but they were so happy when we got home and were very clingy for days! shocked me! they had a fine time with the grands, ate sugar, stayed up late, mucho attention, but they missed us they said. amazing, and very comforting.

em even crawled in my lap yesterday for a cuddle for no reason, now that is progress!!

and we were gone for mother's day, but i came home to this letter from my 6 year old: "i love you mom. mom you make me happy. mom you are fun. you cook good." now THAT made my day!

disconnected, in real life and online!

we're on an extended vacation out of the country withOUT the kiddos and are missing them dearly! the grands are there with them, so they're having a ball. as RADicals, of course they're not missing us too bad (sniff) though mr did give me a "mommy i don't want you to leave" the day before we left, which i LOVED to hear!!! em didn't seem to mind at all. cj was cuddly as usual. so we've been on and offline, mostly off, as it's very hard to find internet here in new zealand. we've emailed and called the kids some (over skype) and it's been great to hear their voices. i think it's a much needed vacation, but quite long and dad and i are ready to get back home. which is a great feeling actually! just like our RADicals, for us to miss them means we're connecting too. meanwhile we're having a blast seeing australia, new zealand, and we'll visit the cook islands next. then head home! and maybe, one day, i'll catch up on all my blog reading! :)