i want to paint but i can't paint but i want to paint!

another fun piece of anti-logic today... em wanted to help me paint, so i think yay, she's going to work hard and be responsible. (RADical parents tend to have absurd, fleeting moments of hope) after a few minutes, she came back and said i can't make it spray, my finger isn't strong enough.
i'll admit my first reaction was to offer her a can of suck it up (instead of spray paint), but since i'm a good mom and know she has RADical issues, i empathized as i'm supposed to. i was appropriately sad and validating, but encouraged her to try again. she refused and gave her usual "i can't" so i very nicely offered to do it for her. she refused that as well saying she wanted to do it. i knew what was coming, an illogical melt down. i shouldn't have continued, but my brain had melted at that point. let me figuratively paint the picture for you (because no painting was happening here). imagine the patient mom with the crying/screaming RADical child both holding spray paint:
what do you want to do honey? i want to paint.
but you can't paint right? right, but i want to.
okay, so paint. but i can't.
okay, so you can't paint? right, but i want to.
well then paint. but i can't.
okay, then don't. but i want to...
(then good RADical mom sense kicked in and i went for comic relief) em, you want to paint, but you can't paint. what am i supposed to do? magically give you a stronger finger so you can?
(to which she laughed, said yes, and i breathed easier, but then the fit escalated) but it's not fair. i want to be able to paint. i want to paint. it's not fair. i want to...
(then bad RADical mom frustration took over) well since you can't paint, but you want to, and you're throwing a fit about it, why don't you go to your room and cry like a little baby instead.

fyi, i'm well aware that was not the proper response for a RADical child. (consider it my example of what not to do). i know she was just trying to communicate with me because she was frustrated and acting out of fear. in her brain, if she's not perfect, we won't love her, and we'll send her away. the books and my logical understanding of RAD tell me this, but that doesn't stop me from wanting her to see reason. but alas, RADicals and reason don't mix. and fyi, i finished painting.