Friday, May 2, 2008

why share our RADical adventures?

i started this blog because i was jealous! :) i've spent countless hours pouring over blogs of people (complete strangers even) sharing about their lives, hurts, struggles, joys, losses, etc. i've read about births, deaths, disabilities, traumas, discoveries, and so much more and oddly, it's helped me. i can tell it helps them as well.
writing is very therapeutic and (1) i love to write and (2) i am in bad need of therapy! :)
i can't share the real story with our real life friends, because i may want my kids to marry their kids one day! or i may want them to babysit. i don't want them to know how often i screw up. or how hard it is to be a RADical mom sometimes. i don't want them to know my daughter has no conscience; i want her to be invited to birthday parties. i don't want them to know my six year old son loves to bottle feed; i also want them to adopt! (i think every family should adopt one child and fix that global problem in a day. God says to care for orphans and widows, so you better grab one quick!) i also don't want the kids to read horrible stories about themselves and feel bad. it's not their fault at all, but they wouldn't see that.
but as much as i don't want to share, i still want to talk about it! i really want to shout "it's not my fault, i didn't mess these kids up, they have mental problems" when we're at a store and have a melt down. i want to explain why mr may look on the ceiling for his shoes. i want to explain that em doesn't have feelings and that's why she didn't apologize. i also want people to be happy with me when we have a breakthrough. but they don't get excited when mr cries like a baby over something small. they don't understand he didn't cry over anything until recently. they don't get excited when em sits on my lap and relaxes. they don't know she can't do that for more than one minute without getting nervous.
so i want to share. i want other RADical parents to say man, i can relate to that! i want them to say wow, that worked well, maybe i'll try it. i want them to say here's what we did, you might try it. i want them to say this crazy lady tells it like it is and now i know i'm not alone! mostly i want them to say, wow, if there's hope for this family, there's hope for mine!
i want to share the happy. i don't just want to whine (though i'm an excellent whiner) and say woe is me and share all the madness. i want to share the encouraging improvements we see every day. i want to share the idiocy, but only to share that it gets better. (it does get better, right??)
so i will share. i won't share names or places and if you happen to know us, please (1) don't share that info, (2) try to look past the disorders to the scared kids, (3) try to look past my frustration to the mom trying to help her kids and herself heal, and (4) don't think i'm crazy because my kids look happy. :)
if you're still reading, you're either very interested, or very bored. thanks either way! i hope we can make you smile each time you visit us here.