Thursday, October 16, 2008

it's okay, you're safe

so we've been doing the beyond consequences thing, (fairly well when i'm trying hard and pretty poorly when i'm not) and reassuring em that she's safe, we love her, and she's not going anywhere. not when she verbally worries about those things, because she never does, but when she cries because she can't do a math problem, or loses a game, or can't find a bucket. we know it's out of fear (about something bigger, not just frustration over the problem).
i (lovingly!) say honey, i love you whether you can find a bucket or not. even if you can never find a bucket, i'll always love you and that will never change. it's okay, you're safe. i know your brain thinks that if you're not perfect i won't love you and you'll have to leave, but that's not true. you are so stuck with me no matter what.
at first, especially when it was a seemingly unrelated thing (like crying over math), i'd give her the it's okay, you're safe speech and she would say huh? what are you talking about? and later, why are you talking about that now? and she'd always argue, no i'm not worried about that!
but now, i've noticed she just listens. it's like she's realizing that she does feel that way and she likes being reassured. not sure if she really does, or if she's just tired of arguing. :)