Sunday, December 14, 2008

the poor dog and em's RADical comment

So the poor dog had a seizure or something this morning. She's older than dirt and getting stiff and frail and all, but she'd been in bed with CJ and I went up to wake everyone up (which is odd in itself). But she got down and went in EM's room and was walking around as usual. I was trying to pull MR off the top bunk and heard her fall (hardwood floors) and she started thrashing around. I'll spare you all the details, but it was freaky scary! It was loud and long and the kids saw it all. She finally calmed down and Dad carried her downstairs (wasn't sure if she hurt anything) and she went outside and seemed fine. She appears to be fine still, no problems all day. So we're just a bit nervous now.
The RAD tie-in (isn't there always one?) is what EM said. (Fyi, she's been asking for a puppy, and as good RADical parents we've been saying no). As Dad carried the dog down the stairs, she said this wouldn't happen if we had a puppy. I was so glad Dad was holding the dog! I just told her that was very inappropriate and we'd talk about it later. But I was struggling between being mad because I was worried about the dog and sad because I understand she's not capable of understanding why that was awful to say.
And I wish there wasn't more to the story, but I guess I should confess my screw ups here, so here you go. I meant to explain it well so she'd understand why that was mean, but I was still mad (yeah, unregulated, thinking about me, I know). And I said (cover your eyes) you know when you're having a hard time feeling your feelings? How would you feel if we said this wouldn't happen if we had a normal girl? She said bad. I said yeah, but we wouldn't do that because we love you no matter what. And went on to make nice, but sheesh. I felt bad. Just frustrating and yeah, not handled the best.
On a positive note, Dad walked in soon after and I told her she ought to apologize and she did, with real tears in her eyes! She seemed genuinely sad, not just sad she was in trouble. So, maybe a little positive anyway.

8 comments:

Dinah said...

((HUGS)) If all parents were measured by the quantities of their mistakes, we'd all be failures. For what it's worth, I truly believe it's what we make of those mistakes that makes us better parents. If I counted the # of times I've gotten angry, yelled, said something stupid (to either my bio or RADical child) I know I wouldn't feel very positive.

Let her learn from your mistake! We can make wonderful examples out of our errors.

And I really hope your dog is okay. :) We have a younger dog and the 1st time he started "seizing" I got scared too...then I realized he was just humping the stuffed snowman. Sorry, that's not appropriate, but maybe it'll make you laugh!

Torina said...

Dinah, thank you! I just snorted. LOL

We had almost an identical experience with our youngest kid who has RAD. We went to a farmer's market and saw some puppies. He wanted one (surprise, surprise) and I told him, no, we already have two dogs and that is all we could have. He said, "Let's just sell one of them so we can get a puppy." I told him, no, they were family members and we don't sell family members. I believe my husband may have asked him if he would like it if we sold him. LOL He busted out laughing.

familygregg said...

Oh, I can soooooo relate to those moments when I do/say the absolute wrong thing. And "yes"...it's when I am mad, or hurt, or frustrated, or frightened, or....or....or

The Sweeney Seven said...

I just found your blog by googling RAD. We are no strangers to this, but we just got a phone call that our first foster placement (RAD and Bipolar) (reunited with family and then put back in another foster home two years later) just had a goal change to adoption. This call of course, comes on her 6th birthday and two days before our 4 year old has her appointment that will surely give her an official RAD dx, as well. I love your blog and your sense of humor. I understand the knowledge of needing to stay calm, but the difficulty that exists staying calm. It is nice to know your not alone.
Thesweeneyseven.blogspot.com

Brenda said...

Good to know your human like the rest of us ; ) You are a great mom.

latemama said...

It is really hard when our kids hurt us when we are already hurting. What matters is the general trend though. Our kids need to see our human side too. She will learn from your failures, that it is ok to fail and turn back around and re-establish the relationship.

Julie said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Unspeakable Joy said...

deleted julie's comment for stupidity. :)