i'm so glad you all get it! mr was so sad today and the floodgates opened again. mr jeff, his OT, got a new job and today was his last day. mr was very sad and talked about it quite a bit in AT, which we had just before OT. and he did okay, asked him if he had to leave, if he'd change his mind, why he wanted to leave, etc, but he did well. until we hit the van, and shew! he was just sobbing and crying so hard, i felt awful for him. this is the first time he's cried over missing a person (including his birth family!) so i know it's huge. and yeah, i took a phone pic. had to! he kepting saying i'm never going to see him again and it seemed like it was really sinking in. i stopped and got in the back with him and just cried with him! since it seemed a little bit over the top to me, i figured there may have been more to it. so i said are just sad or are you afraid of something? he said i'm afraid i'll forget him. i said do you mean like how you're forgetting your old mom? he said (with much force) yes, i can't even remember her name. isn't that just heart wrenching?? he said i remember grandmama though (my grandmother who passed away last year). i said well you'll learn to remember and i have pictures we can look at too.
so i think he's really starting to deal with the loss, sadness, guilt for not remembering, and all those feelings he's not allowed himself to feel before. and i'm so glad, just wish it wasn't so hard to see him so sad!
8 comments:
Wonderful news. Only Rad moms would think it's great when our kids cry. It's a huge sign of healing. Bless his little heart!
This is great news!
It's very hard for us Mom's to see our kids so sad. We want to "make it all better" and do the Happy Dance at the same time.
You are an awesome Mom!
I was going to say exactly the same thing one of the other commenters did...only RAD mom get excited when our kids cry. It sounds like he's made a big breakthrough.
My older son also has a lot of grief over forgetting his first mom. He remembers her name, but I think he's forgetting a lot of other things. He misses his first grandma, too...but we don't know her name. It is indeed heartbreaking to watch them go through it.
Awwwww.. makes me want to cry for him just reading.. that's over the top for me too.. I'm getting to where I cringe at an upset kid in Walmart.. I think I'm starting to actually be attached or something.. happy for your victory!
I love your blog so much I had to tag you over on my blog! :-) Now you're it!
I just had the same sadly wonderful moment this weekend. My daugther is currently in residential treatment and had just spent the day at home with me. As she was extolling my virtues in the car on the way back it triggered feelings of the loss of her birth mother. She said some of the exact same things your son said while crying from that place deep within. It is a very strange feeling to be so happy and so heart broken at the same time because your child is grieving.
By the way, I love your blog!
A great book to facilate the grieving process for adopted kids is "Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish" by Sherrie Eldridge.
Also, Nancy Verrier's "The Primal Wound" is excellent.
I made a similar comment later on in your blog but I just wanted to tell you again how much I cried when I read this particular entry. It tore my heart in a thousand pieces to think about this little towheaded terror being so brave and vulnerable and honest. And again you are my personal hero I think you are Wonder Woman
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