Monday, August 16, 2010

Still here, which is now in Oregon, still RADical

I haven't posted in forever, and I can tell, because every person I meet I feel like dumping on our entire story so they UNDERSTAND. That tells me I'm not getting it out and processing like I should. Oops. It's also been too hard to call the AT and work on therapy that way because of our lack of reliable cell service. So *I* definitely realize that *I* am in need of therapy. The kids yeah, always, but me me me too! Boy that once a week reminder really kept me focused on THEM and not ME. It's SO easy to feel all woe is me when I'm not focused on them. And BOY am I all woe is me lately! And apparently I have a thing for CAPS tonight too.
Living and traveling in the RV has been WONDERFUL! We all really love it and have seen amazing places. Physically the kids are doing so well, loving, learning, exploring, just digging every new place. We're all pretty well adjusted to living in a small space that moves often. Now it's just back to the NORMAL un-normal stuff that's so frustrating.
Peeing on sheets is not cool when you have to go to laundromats. Having to be super careful not to ask a question too fast or her brain shuts down is not cool. Her worrying because dinner is at a different time than last night and she might starve to death is not cool. His tendency to always do the opposite of what he should is very not cool. I know it's wrong, but I've heard myself telling him Tell your brain to shut up when it starts telling you to do stupid things! Her crying at any tough question, because she can't be perfect and thus earn a place with us forever, is driving me insane!
They've come such a long way and it's great to look back, very encouraging. But when I look ahead and see how far they have to go, ugh. Discouraging!
Of course the other day I was *this* close to saying Screw it, let them work it out in therapy when they're adults and just settle for raising them, not the rest of the emotional stuff. But that day I decided to pretend to be Ma. Yes, from Little House, just a softly spoken word, no yelling or scolding, and we had a FABULOUS day! So, as long as I'm not myself, we might make it through. :p I know that's what they need, soft encouraging acceptance, I just wish that was my nature!! But I'm working on it. Gotta get it all blogged out, that'll help me. There, now I feel better, thanks!
Until the morning when our last sheet is peed on, but that's another day...


Christine said...

Ahhh, thus the massive quandary that is therapeutic parenting. We have to do exactly what we're asking them to do ... function outside of our "nature" ... our "deafault," if you will.

I remember the day I realized, "How can I ask them to do something I am not even doing? ....... CRAP!"

Yeah, I totally hate that part.


Kelly said...

Glad you are having a wonderful time. Sorry about the pee. That would make me crazy too. No advice. Just a ((hug)). Have a great day.