Thursday, September 25, 2008

no love :(

tough day (for me) at therapy today with em. she was filling a heart (container) with feelings (black rocks for anger, puffs for hugs, pricklies for hurt, hearts for love, blue rocks for sad, etc) and saying about this week, i feel ___ because ___. of course she always needs help because she doesn't feel. but she couldn't think of one time where she felt love and finally only came up with i felt love when mom gave me pop. i'll admit it's very rare around her, but pop??? she said she didn't want to feel love and didn't want to admit it if she did. i understand why and i wouldn't either if i were her! but it's so hard for me, after trying to give her love for 2 years. just hard to take some days. :( i feel sad because my daughter doesn't know what love is. i feel sad because i don't get love back when i give it. just hard.
on a positive note, she did have some weird cries for no reason this week. we celebrate ANY emotion coming out, so yay. :) she also got to end her time there today with some fun. she's being tested by the occupational therapist and got to play in the crazy fun room that mr "gets" to "play" in weekly.


rachel said...

I am not sure where I found you but now I enjoy keeping up with you. I deal with some difficult behaviours but not true or full RAD. My daughter has insecure attachment and my middle son has brain damage which brings challenges. He may have bipolar or FAS as well.
Your children are fortunate to have a strong mother like you. Don't give up! Cast your bread upon the waters and you WILL find it again but only after many days.

Brenda said...

I like the feelings jar idea. I think I will try it with one of mine that has trouble with feelings. He also ties most feelings of love to food type items.I don't know if saw that. But she picked a sugary item.

Dinah said...

I's so very hard to watch these kiddos who can't feel what we know to be such warm, rich, safe feelings like love.

I hope you don't mind...I'm going to add you to my list of blogging buddies. I need to "know" a few more parents who go through some of what we go through. I'm so glad to have found some families who "get" it. I know so many adoptive families that are in denial's refreshing to find some who understand.

Alyssa's Mom said...

I have a suggestion for you. When we first got Alyssa, she had a hard time recognizing love. So for a long time, whenever we did anything for her, we would preface it with "I love you so much that I ...(washed your clothes). We did this for months and months. It called attention to all the things (big and small) that we did because we loved her. After a while, she would start saying "I know, I know, you love me"! That's when we stopped doing it. Right after that we had a big breakthrough!