today i'm just frustrated that my kids have a mental health issue that everyone else EXCEPT for them has to fix. yes, they have to talk about feelings and do yucky homework of sitting on mom's lap eating candy, but for the most part, to help them attach, WE have to parent differently. WE give them the things their first parents didn't. WE try to understand that their brains work differently. WE try to react differently than how we were modeled and what comes naturally to us now. WE know they're just acting out of fear. WE know it and WE get it and WE will continue to do it to help them heal, but it just feels like we, we, we, all the way home!
do you ever feel like that? i get why and i'd never stop and i'm confident they'll heal, eventually. and of course tomorrow i'll feel better. but today i'm just whiny! oh, looks like it's tomorrow already, boy do i need sleep! :)
the family
- Unspeakable Joy
- we're a family of 5 living an incredible adventure together in an RV! we have three adopted kids ages 15, 15, and 12 - two with reactive attachment disorder (RAD), all with past trauma. these are the true stories of our family, although names have been changed to protect the innocent (and guilty).
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8 comments:
I am SOOOO right there with you! And, to add insult to injury, we just got the details of our insurance benefits for next year. #1, it doesn't look like our fabulous therapist that we hunted high and low for will be covered at all, #2, even if she is, they only pay for a limited number of visits per year. Nice.
In the over all scheme of things, our job is the easy job.
I always try to remember how hard, how terrifying it must be to open your heart and start to trust.
My daughter works very hard!
She is my hero!
Honey, I hear ya!
hope you are feeling better.. so feel your pain.
i'm with ya, too. today was the first day in 2 weeks that we felt courageous with our new skills, and took Charity to our Thanksgiving (which we have now because my grandparents spend the winter down south). she's done well at home, but, you know, she wanted to run up to everyone and hug them and manipulate and use a whiny tone and say "i love you" to us in front of them though she wouldn't in a million years tell us that when we're alone. such a long. long. long. day.
new mercies for tomorrow? i'm game.
It is so hard. We are asking them to be vulnerable. We are asking them to walk through Baghdad without any protective gear waving an American flag. It is too dangerous. They know they will be shot. I think it is just as important to admit it gets to us sometimes and talk until we feel better.
I think that kids have a responsibility to change. It should not be up to everyone else. My daughter tries very hard to do things differently when I call her on her behavior and I explain how I do not think that a daughter that was attached to our family and to me would do that sort of thing. Just a thought.
I know that I can do everything that I must do ... and my kids still may choose not to take the steps THEY have to take to heal.
And that throws me into a little pit for a bit (heh. I rhymed)
Two weeks ago my ds and I were discussing just how hard the work is to heal and to attach. A few minutes later, he looked at me and asked, "What if I don't?"
Meaning: Mom, I'm not quite sure I want to do this, so give me some odds and let me decide if it's worth the risk.
And I know it's terrifying for them, but I also had a moment of complete and utter, "Ahhhhh frick! Am I going to do my part for nothing???"
Sometimes I'm painfully human. I know I'll pick up the next day and keep trucking. I know it's worth it. Yet, in that moment of "Raw Christine" ... God and I have words.
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